Sunday, June 11, 2006

It’s Money Baby

I have decided that it’s time that I cash in on the reality TV craze. It seems to me that American Idol is the top money make and is king of the spin-offs, so far. I see “So you Think You Can Dance?” and I also saw a “Best Little Kid Performer” last year. The thing is I think there are still more American Idol spin-offs to be had. Here are a few of my ideas.

For my first idea I like “Senior American Idol.” You limit the contestants to be something 40 years or older. You remove the restriction on having a professional contract. The best contestants will be individuals that may have had a contract in their younger days. You want to appeal that group people that never quite made it in the music industry but still keep that secret hope in their hearts. Baseball teams run fantasy camps, so why wouldn’t this idea fly? We could get has been bands and 1 hit wonders to do the judging and be the guest stars. You know, Quiet Riot or The Knack or that lady who sang “Ring My Bell” would be excellent choices for guests and as far as judges… well American Idol already has Paula and Randy and Simon, but there must be others.

You don’t like that idea, how about “Asian American Idol?” You limit the field to Americans of Asian ethnic descent. You would remove all age limits. You enforce the recording contract rule, but limit it to American recording companies. You would accept contestants from other countries, providing they have relatives in the US. You get George Takei to host and draw the judges from Japanese rock band imports. What was the name of the 2 little girls that had a variety show in the late 70’s or early 80’s? They’d be perfect.

I’ve saved the best for last. I really think this idea is a winner. Are you ready? “Special American Idol!” You schedule the television run to coincide with the Special Olympics. Bonus points for athletes that compete on the show. You get William Hung to host. The judges can be drawn from volunteers or from special education educators who could also nominate contestants. “Life Goes On” made a star out of Corky. William Hung is hotter than any idol from the same season. America loves the differently-able. Why shouldn't I get to cash in?

Friday, June 09, 2006

Living in a Nanny State

Welcome to the Communist Republic of Washington. I believe that the State of Washington wants to become the Union of Washington Socialist Republics. The voters in this state have backed the anti-smoking law. The state is allocating state monies to enforcing the seatbelt law. And now our fabulous Governor has endorsed an anti-online gambling statute that makes on-line gambling a felony. We are rapidly approaching the status of Nanny-State where the government protects us from ourselves at the expense of our personal freedoms.

You have to love the seatbelt law. Don’t misunderstand me; I think it’s a good idea to wear a seatbelt when driving. In fact, I’m disappointed when people I love don’t buckle up. However, it’s a poor law. Laws are how we as a society define the line where your rights end and my rights begin. The seatbelt law doesn’t have anything to do with protecting that line. Wearing your safety belt doesn’t make you any less of a hazard to other drivers. That makes it a bad law.

The voters in this state decided that their desire not to smell cigarette smoke was more important than the rights of a business owner to determine what legal activities may or may not be allowed to occur on their premises. It is now illegal to smoke in a restaurant, shopping mall, place of business (like an office), or even a bar. Next it will be illegal to smoke in your home. It’s not even a big jump. If there are non-smokers living with you they should be allowed to live smoke free in spite of the fact that you pay the mortgage. It’s only fair. Right? I don’t understand how we can trample the rights of legitimate business owners and operators in favor of alarmist Nazis who don’t want to smell smoke while wolfing their greasy cheeseburgers and fries. This law is disgraceful.

And now we aren’t allowed to gamble on-line. Truthfully, it was always illegal to gamble over the Internet. I understand that. That the state has made it a class C felony is my complaint. We’ve now taken another questionable law and increased the amount of taxpayer dollars we piss away on it. Now because you engage in an act that really doesn’t hurt anyone but you, you can go to jail. The question becomes how do the police enforce such a law. Do they have the right to examine your hard drive to see if you’ve been betting on Notre Dame? What if you call Las Vegas to place the bet? It’s still illegal, but it’s not a felony? How retarded is that? What a terrible law.

Bad laws are an issue because they waste dollars. To add insult to injury the Nanny State I live in is spending even more dollars to specifically enforce these bad laws. The money they are spending on seatbelt patrols alone could be spent in lot better ways then enforcing bad law. We could increase the police presence on Pike and 3rd downtown. You could add extra patrols to the neighborhoods at Christmas time when home invasion robberies go up. Hell, you could ensure that every officer on the force had the proper safety equipment to protect themselves from the violent smoker who refuses to wear his safety belt while driving to the casino!

So welcome to the Nanny State! Every single thing you might do to hurt yourself is now outlawed, or soon will be. It doesn’t matter that street crime is up. It doesn’t matter that violent crime is up. It doesn’t matter that tourists will be chased away. It doesn’t matter that we spend the taxpayer’s dollars like drunken sailors to enforce laws that shouldn’t exist to begin with. What matters is that the state cares for you like your mommy. What matters is that the governor loves you. I can only hope when business is driven from the state, as unemployment rises, as my ability to make buck wanes, that the governor will buy my supplies for me. I need room, food and toilet paper. Maybe Christine Gregoire can even wipe my ass. I might like that. But I doubt it.