Weight Loss

I see today where a scorpion lived 15 months without food. I don't recall ever going more than 15 minutes without chewing.

A Little Night Music

Just for you, a glimpse into my personal life.

My wife and I have slightly different sleep patterns. I am very singular of focus. My wife has a wider variety of preferences. Generally we work things out. Sometimes, there are conflicts.

I like to choose a go to sleep time. I take myself to bed at that time. I prepare myself for sleep prior to that time. When the appointed time arrives I go to the bedroom, get in bed, turn off the light, and go to sleep. I like to get six or seven consecutive hours of sleep. This is important to me.

My wife is different. My wife thinks that the appointed time to retire is the time to start getting ready. My wife grabs a bottle of water, a cup of coffee, and a can of soda before heading to the bedroom. She also likes to bring a book and a magazine as well as turn on the TV. My wife doesn’t seem to mind interruptions to her sleep, but she doesn’t like the light to be turned on after she has shut it off. This is important to her.

We usually work this all out. We choose different bed times. If my wife goes to bed first, I give her about 30 minutes engage in her pre-sleep rituals and that usually works okay. If I retire first, my wife will engage in the majority of her rituals in the living room, and then try to creep into the back room without waking me. I usually pretend not to wake up.

The other night I retired first. My wife came into the room maybe an hour later, so I was in the early stages of sleep. I of course heard her come into the room trying to be quiet. I keep my eyes closed and try to ignore the distraction. I know she is carrying a soda, a cup of coffee, a bottle of water, and a book. It’s her minimal traveling kit. Then I feel the bed get bumped followed by a minor expletive deleted and something to the effect of “I kicked my soda.”

I continue to pretend to sleep. Maybe this will stop soon. I sure hope she cleans up that spilled soda. She runs to the bathroom, I assume to grab a wash rag to clean up the mess. I still pretend to sleep. I want her to clean up the mess. I bought my wife a “Clapper” for xmas which she attached to her night lamp. Now while running between the two rooms trying to clan up and she decides she can’t see well enough in the dark to clean up. Next she is shouting, “Light! On!”, “Light! On!” I pretend to sleep.

It’s all good.

WWJW – What Would Jesus Watch?

I spent lots of time with the wife this weekend and we got to debate the merits of our favorite programs. My wife likes reality programming where as I like the fictional versions. The thought that struck me is, what’s the difference? And more importantly, which set of viewing is the path of the righteous man? What would Jesus watch?

My wife likes almost all the reality programming type programs. She loves Top Model, American Idol, America’s Most Wanted, Maury, Jerry Springer, Starting Over, Forensic Files, City Confidential, America’s Most Wanted, all the judges (Mathis, Judy, Joe Brown and Hatchett) and Cheaters. And yeah I know Springer and Hatchett are really fiction but they pose as reality.

There is reality TV I can stomach. I can understand the true crime shows. I prefer the fictional dramas (Law and Order, CSI, etc), but they’re basically the same show. I can understand the judgment programs too. They increase your perception that the world is just, if not fair. I can even understand the competition shows. I was a watcher of Survivor for seasons 1 and 2. It’s not all terrible.

However I can’t stand the ones that flaunt human depravity. Maury, Jerry and all the rest are a showcase for the basest elements of our humanity. Here are some real topics from these traders in human misery: My baby daddy won’t send his child support payment from prison, My man won’t return my phone calls because his wife is a controlling bitch, My best friend says my old lady is a whore because he sleeps with her, and who can forget, Guess what, I’m gay! (And so are you). These programs actually glorify abhorrent behavior by giving the behavior a platform and making it seem more normal than it is. No one should aspire to these broken individuals.

{Off-topic rant to follow. Sorry, I couldn’t edit myself}
The worst of the worst is Cheaters. The whole point of the program is to have some loser who knows that his or her significant other is cheating on them be confronted by the wronged party. And put it on television. The format is simple: present a sympathetic (pathetic) party that suspects their significant other of cheating on them, get the proof of the other’s indiscretions, climax the program by having the wronged party ‘get up in the face’ of the cheater. The host is a smarmy sub-humanoid who utters phrases like “you’ve taken the first step, you stood up for yourself.” I just want to punch him. These poor saps that think that their lives would be better by putting their misery on TV are taken total advantage of by this program. Gaaahhh!
{Rant over.}

Getting back to the actual topic of this entry, I asked my wife why she likes this type of program. Basically she feels like this is a true reflection of the way that members of our society think and live. The purest entertainment is when people are caught in the act of being themselves. And I thought, my wife is right. The programs I enjoy are most entertaining when they are the most true. A play is great when it talks about a truth of life in a way never before presented. Further, it’s just not entertaining to watch people get along. Conflict is what drives drama, holds our attention and creates suspense. Suspense is that thing that makes you ask, “what will happen next?”

So what would God watch? I’m saying that God isn’t watching me. I’m boring. When God takes a break from tossing gas balls around the firmament (I imagine that’s what God does all day), I imagine he watches us humans down on earth for entertainment. And if you were God and could literally be everywhere at all times, would you watch me not cheat on my wife and not get drunk, or would you watch some crazy ill-behaved human rob a liquor store and run from the cops? So I think that if Jesus came by your house to hang out and watch a little tube, he’d watch the Cops marathon on FX long before he engaged in reruns of Highway to Heaven. Whaddya know my wife is right.