Sunday, May 14, 2006

No Offense

I have a friend. Let’s call him Joe B, no that’s too specific, how about J Baloney? That’s better. Anyway, Joe, er uh I mean J Baloney, has this habit of saying “No Offense”.

We all know “No offense but,” means you’re about to hear the most insulting thing you’ve ever heard. The other form is to insult someone but to add the phrase “No offense” immediately after. For example he might say to a coworker, “Tell me the truth. You didn’t get enough oxygen at birth did you? You’re what, about 7 seconds from being a mongoloid? No offense.” Or you could say to a woman, “No offense but, if I were you I’d exercise a lot more.” Get it?

Truthfully it’s just a kind of speech tic. It’s kind of a comfort phrase that makes it comfortable for us to segue from one thing to another. Lots of us have them. I’m aware of my habit. I like to say “that being said”. I have another good friend who says “fer cryin’ out loud!” I have another friend who, after you describe how a bad decision has lead to a disagreeable outcome, says “Well, you’re gonna have that.” Most of these speech patterns are somewhere between amusing and irritating but not really a problem.

That being said Joe, er uh I mean J Baloney, has perfected his art. He doesn’t even realize he is doing it anymore. Maybe J Baloney is right. Maybe the phrase “no offense” really does confer a kind of super power. The ability to insult someone without reprisal is a neat trick.

Hey J Baloney no offense.

Saturday, May 13, 2006

Dios Mio!

I posted this a while ago. This is Ridiculous

Anyway last week there was a second comment added to this post (also anonymously). I also received an email, purportedly from the now famous Joy Bardwell.

The email requested that I remove the first comment as it contained the names of innocents. Even though I don’t really believe anything I read on the internet, especially things marked anonymous and in spite of my policy to not edit comments made by others I have decided to remove the specific names from the comment.

I have acquiesced because the letter making the request was polite and respectful and the author of the letter actually asked and did not demand. While, I don’t particularly believe that any of the people posting or sending email are who they say they are, I also have no need to risk being part of causing trauma for a child.

However, I still think that Joy Bardwell is silly to protest a TV show. I think the bible says something like: if your eye offends you, cut it out. I don’t think you need to cut out your eyes. Just turn the damn TV off.