No Offense
I have a friend. Let’s call him Joe B, no that’s too specific, how about J Baloney? That’s better. Anyway, Joe, er uh I mean J Baloney, has this habit of saying “No Offense”.
We all know “No offense but,” means you’re about to hear the most insulting thing you’ve ever heard. The other form is to insult someone but to add the phrase “No offense” immediately after. For example he might say to a coworker, “Tell me the truth. You didn’t get enough oxygen at birth did you? You’re what, about 7 seconds from being a mongoloid? No offense.” Or you could say to a woman, “No offense but, if I were you I’d exercise a lot more.” Get it?
Truthfully it’s just a kind of speech tic. It’s kind of a comfort phrase that makes it comfortable for us to segue from one thing to another. Lots of us have them. I’m aware of my habit. I like to say “that being said”. I have another good friend who says “fer cryin’ out loud!” I have another friend who, after you describe how a bad decision has lead to a disagreeable outcome, says “Well, you’re gonna have that.” Most of these speech patterns are somewhere between amusing and irritating but not really a problem.
That being said Joe, er uh I mean J Baloney, has perfected his art. He doesn’t even realize he is doing it anymore. Maybe J Baloney is right. Maybe the phrase “no offense” really does confer a kind of super power. The ability to insult someone without reprisal is a neat trick.
Hey J Baloney no offense.
We all know “No offense but,” means you’re about to hear the most insulting thing you’ve ever heard. The other form is to insult someone but to add the phrase “No offense” immediately after. For example he might say to a coworker, “Tell me the truth. You didn’t get enough oxygen at birth did you? You’re what, about 7 seconds from being a mongoloid? No offense.” Or you could say to a woman, “No offense but, if I were you I’d exercise a lot more.” Get it?
Truthfully it’s just a kind of speech tic. It’s kind of a comfort phrase that makes it comfortable for us to segue from one thing to another. Lots of us have them. I’m aware of my habit. I like to say “that being said”. I have another good friend who says “fer cryin’ out loud!” I have another friend who, after you describe how a bad decision has lead to a disagreeable outcome, says “Well, you’re gonna have that.” Most of these speech patterns are somewhere between amusing and irritating but not really a problem.
That being said Joe, er uh I mean J Baloney, has perfected his art. He doesn’t even realize he is doing it anymore. Maybe J Baloney is right. Maybe the phrase “no offense” really does confer a kind of super power. The ability to insult someone without reprisal is a neat trick.
Hey J Baloney no offense.
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