Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year

This has been one of the busiest years for me in quite some time. I was employed the entire year for the first time in 3 or 4 years. I turned 40 and we relocated across the country for no apparent reason. This is what it looked like chronologically.

The year in review:

January
My friend and neighbor, Dave, coins the term House Dragon. I immediately embrace the phrase.
I realize that I can no longer play “Lambs” with the child. “If it doesn’t clean its room, it gets the hose…”

February
Even in Seattle we experience cold (not frigid) weather. Come on global warming! I purchase 300 aerosol cans of hairspray and release them in my backyard.
We narrow down our collegiate choices for the child.

March
We decide (as a family) that we are moving back to Ohio. The child will attend college there (assuming it graduates high school). The House Dragon and I will move as soon as we can plan and execute the plan.

April
Planning: graduation, visits from friends and relatives, college, birthdays, and the big move.

May
Dreading: graduation, visits from friends and relatives, college, birthdays, and the big move.

June
The child turned 18 and graduated high school. Her intellectual decline continues. Mom and Dad visit for the graduation and I get to Mt St Helens for the first time. Wow! I would like to do that again.

July
I turn 40. Holy ----! My buddy Beef comes out to visit for the first time and we visit Rainier. What a great park.

August
Aunt and Uncle come out to visit for the first time. They get to meet the House Dragon and her offspring for the first time.
We bring the child to school in Ohio. Hello Central State! The child continues to deteriorate intellectually.

September
The House Dragon resigns her position and starts looking for work in Ohio.

October
My wife (the House Dragon) got a year older. She’s somewhere between 30 and 2 million years old.

I begin to sell all my big toys: motorcycle, jet skis, pickup truck, and beer fridge.

November
I begin my search for work in Ohio. I have an offer in 4 days. I submit my resignation. We plan the cross country drive.

We drive cross country from Seattle to Ohio. We used a full seven days. The House Dragon and I both really enjoyed the vacation.

December
Nana passed away, so we completed our cross country journey by driving to New Jersey to say goodbye. It was just like Steinbeck’s As I Lay Dying without all the good dialog and interesting subplots.

The wife got employed (finally!) in Columbus. We purchase a new Toyota for the 160 mile daily commute.

We got the child’s first collegiate grades. It got a 3.67. Wow!!! Maybe it only likes to act dumb?


Next Year
I will change jobs one more time this year as I want to get moved to Columbus. The child may or may not change schools. I will purchase a motorcycle.

I am Santa

You may not know it but I am Santa Claus for a select ‘lucky’ group of children. About 3 years ago a friend of mine surprised me with a phone call over the Christmas holiday. Since that time, I get a call every Christmas eve. I must say, I like being Santa.

My buddy called me back in 2004 because his neighbors little girls were over at his house and they were on the edge of misbehaving. He called me totally spontaneously and I answered the phone to be addressed as ‘Santa’. I quickly understood what was being asked of me and I played along. Unfortunately when Santa asked the little girl about being mean to her sister, the little girl burst into hysterics. I suppose it’s very traumatic for a young person to be caught misbehaving by Santa.

Then last year my buddy called me again. This time I knew he was going to call and I knew that Santa would be speaking with his 4 year old son. We also decided that Christmas Eve is the best time for this call. My friend’s son and I had a good conversation, Santa was distracted by his reindeer and a 4-year old isn’t necessarily the most focused individual but it was fun. This year Santa spoke to the (now) 5 year old and his 7 year old cousin.

Both my friend and I seem to enjoy this tradition. I like the power of being Santa. I like the kid’s fear and awe of speaking to Santa. My friend really seems to enjoy the fact that his kids think he has a direct line to Santa. Not only that, but Santa will take my friend’s call on his busiest night of the year. Now that’s being on the A-List!

So now I’m thinking that Santa probably has a maximum of 2 more years to be on-call on Christmas Eve. I think I will miss the tradition. I was considering offering this service to my other friends with small children. Then I thought, this is a revenue opportunity. I could set up a website to accept ‘orders’. The call could be scheduled by the website and the person setting up the call could enter whatever information they wanted Santa to talk to the child about. I could even generate a mailing list. I could really be Santa. I would rock!

What's going on

As a good friend of mine likes to say, “woof.”

I just want to do some general housekeeping for those of you scoring along at home as well as those of you who are reading this alone.

We live in Dayton (Beavercreek).
I work a job I dislike, but it’s about 1.5 miles from our current abode.
The wife has a job in Columbus, 80 miles away.
I bought a car for the wife to drive to work (2007 Toyota Corolla)
I (with permission) drive the wife’s car to work (2006 Mercedes C230)
I’m scared to death that the damn thing might get damaged. So I sit at home paying for a car I don’t drive and living in mortal fear of damaging the car I do drive to a job I don’t like that I can’t quit because I need the money to pay for the car I don’t drive. Meanwhile we discuss the wife quitting her job because the commute is too long while I look feverishly for work in the Columbus area so that I can quit the job I don’t like.

As I said earlier: woof!

Back from New Jersey

I’m back from New Jersey. We went to Nana’s funeral on Monday and saw all the extended family. I spent 20 hours in the car with my Mom, Dad, brother, sister and wife. On the upside, my job situation is resolving itself but not quite the way I had thought. It was another lost weekend.

Sunday night was the visitation, Monday the service and graveside ceremony followed by the repast at a local restaurant. It was strange to see all the relatives. There are 19 grandchildren with me being the oldest. I spoke to all the aunts and uncles. There are simply too many. I just can’t take that crush of people.


Here's a good photo. My wife, my mother, 2 aunts, my brother, and a couple of cousins.


Of course, the pain of being in a too small room with too many people was alleviated by being in a car with 5 other adults for 10 hours on each side of the actual festivities. The drive was truly performance art at its best. There was my dad the clown, my brother the complainer, my sister the organizer, my mom the griever, my wife the sleeper, and me the tattletale. I was very proud of all of us. We all remained in character and played our parts for 20 hours. I am constantly amazed at human beings capacity for pain.

Finally we got home to find out that my wife has a job offer in Columbus. This means that I need to turn down the job offers in Cincinnati and commence my search in Columbus. I had thought that the recruiting companies I was dealing with would be upset. I was turning what should have been a done deal into a sunk cost for them. Oddly enough, they just want the chance to prostitute me in Columbus. How do these people shave themselves in the morning? It’s got to be hard when you don’t cast a reflection in the mirror.

The best part of all this is that yet another weekend has slipped past without doing my chores. I still need to get in touch with my friends here in Ohio. I need to start my Christmas shopping. I need to get a car. I need to finish unpacking. I need to pay bills. Other than that, life is grand.

Feeling Low

My mom’s mom, my grandmother, passed away on Wednesday night. She was 87 and the last of that generation of our family to pass. Now we need to do the trek back to New Jersey for the funeral and gathering. In the meantime, Lori and I still need to get settled in Ohio. The weather man says we are in for a full November blow tonight.

At 87 years of age she wasn’t ancient, but she had a full life. I only hope to be as vibrant active and aware as she was up until the last few months. Her passing wasn’t surprise and dad tells me she went peacefully in her sleep, not screaming in terror like her passengers. I’m kidding about the passengers of course. I just think that I would be okay with my story ending the same way.

This makes mom and dad the eldest generation. Dad’s dad passed back during the summer. It also makes me the next generation. I’m not sure I’m ready to move into this phase of life. I’m not ready for the child to reproduce and I certainly don’t feel prepared. I can only imagine how mom and dad feel.

The next thing to do is to travel to New Jersey for the funeral stuffs. This means a testy 10 hours in the car with mom, dad, brother, sister and wife. Followed by conversations with relatives I never see. I hate this part. The problem is it becomes reunion, but only because of death. And as much as I grieve and am truly sad, from the perspective of my aunts, uncles, mom and dad, Nano-Banano was their parent. This is also the first time most of the extended family will meet my wife. So what’s the right way to feel? Guilty I suppose.

I think the witch of November is sending this storm to reflect my mood. The pressures are that Lori and I are still trying to figure out the job thing in Ohio. I’m employed in a crappy job I’m trying to change. Lori is interviewing for a promising position at this moment. There isn’t enough room in the home we are renting for all of our crap from Seattle. Courtnei is trying to figure out life. I’m sure we’ll survive and things will turn out well. I do believe that life doesn’t hand you more then you can handle, but must everything be a test? Bring on the snow!