Sunday, April 09, 2006

Stuff that irritates me.

It is not just as gross to kiss a smoker as it would be to kiss someone who was eating cat puke. It's not even close.

The democrats in congress have yet to propose an alternative to George Bush's proposals. Saying I disagree is not leadership. It's not even argument.

George Bush needs to stop pandering to the democrats. They still hate him and he's spending money like a drunken sailor.

How come my wife and daughter can't turn off a light when they leave a room? For God's sake, I bought timers for the lights so they wouldn't have to worry. I actually bought the timers so that I wouldn't have to walk the house every night turning out lights. They figured out how to use the timers so that they don't have to turn the lights on! The net effect is that I have to work harder as I walk through the house turning off the lights.

Also, why do they think it's alright to store 1 leftover pea in a 2-quart container for six months in the refrigerator. And if, god forbid, I suggest that no one is going to eat said pea, they yell at me and want to know why I am "all up in their business." In the meantime, I have a fridge full of food that shouldn't be eaten and no room for things like milk.

Speaking of which, have I mentioned my new nickname at home? They call me 'big pink'.

I suppose I did something to deserve this. I have no idea what it was, but I'd like to officially apologize.

Monday, April 03, 2006

Drunken Dialing

I got a call from a couple of friends from high school Friday night. It was kind of strange. I know they were engaging in the drunk dialing plan, but I was pleased nonetheless. It was really great to hear from them. The conversation wasn’t quite coherent, but it was fun.

These were the 2 people with whom I spent most of high school. It’s kind of funny, the one guy I still quote whenever the opportunity arises. The other I tell stories about as if he were a mythical character like Paul Bunyan or a smart person from Kentucky.

I told them that I quote them and claim credit for their exploits. They laughed and told me that I had it easy because I had moved so far away from home I don’t have to face the pain of the mistakes I made earlier in life. I suppose they’re right.

It’s strange how you can drift apart, years and miles and lifestyles (no, none of us are gay), and yet still feel the connection. The conversation ended the way these conversations usually do. We promised to do better to keep in touch. And for my part I sent email right away. But I wonder. We all have wives and children to deal with. We all have jobs that consume mass chunks of our time.

But somehow, I think it’ll be okay. Whenever we get together the years melt away. It feels as though we’re eighteen again facing a world of limitless possibilities and having not been beaten down by life. We all need relationships like that.

Sunday, April 02, 2006

Bad Dreams

I had a very disturbing nightmare last night. I haven’t had a nightmare like last night in a long time. When I was a little kid sometimes I’d have those crazy monster nightmares. Do you know the kind? Like the one where Frankenstein and the Wolfman chase you through the neighborhood or the one where the monster under the bed terrorizes you all night long. Well I had that kind of dream last night.

I dreamed I was standing in my kitchen in front of the sink and there was a horrible noise. A grinding sucking kind of a sound was coming from the garbage disposal at irregular intervals. The garbage disposal was haunted. I was turning the disposal on and off. I was running hot and cold water. Nothing I did would make a difference. My wife was standing behind me making sarcastic comments like, “Oh, that helped.” The disposal would just start and stop on its own. It would make that horrible sound and when I placed my hands on the countertop I could feel the shaking and spinning of the possessed machine.

Then I became more awake. As I woke up, I noticed that I could still hear the haunted device. As I woke more, the noise was even more disturbing. It had no rhythm or pace to it. It was just a never ending irritating sound.

Then I elbowed my wife, she stopped snoring I caught another hour or so of good sleep.

Quote of the day
“I wanna hear Glenn Miller and I wanna see cops beatin’ up hippies.” – Grampa Simpson’s last words…